You are most welcome to visit my insanity ward. :]
You're all I need to be with
Forevermore
Welcome♥
to my world.
You are most welcome to visit my insanity ward. :]
The Lunatic♥
that they don't seem to know.
Alenel Calderon Bagtas - Geremia
A.
Unique.
Individual.
God's.
Workmanship.
Aaron's.
Wife.
YM: kukis.enkrim
MSN: coolsmacker_12
Multiply: Chocobits
Friendster: Private
Friendster: Public
Talk to me♥
the ramblings just won't stop.
Other lunatics♥
in my world.
The Lunatic's past♥
proves her insanity.
Credits♥
you're welcome.
Sshhh.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
I'm happy, though I'm sad.
Hmm. I've always wanted to post something personal dito sa blog ko. I've always wanted to share something about how I feel with certain things. Yung something that no one would ever know, something that no one would ever feel how much pain I feel if they weren't in my place. Kaso, people think of me as the funny, loud and the 'not-serious' person. They know me as the one who's always laughing and making people laugh. So I kind of feel like I can't post anything pertaining to my inner feelings. See, if people see you as the who's always there to make other laugh when they're down, it feels like you can't be weak infront of these people. Now, that's something personal.
Really, I am not that strong. I ran across my previous post sa multiply blog ko. Oh, wait, I'll post it here.Hm. This is my first post from the Philippines. Ooh. It`s friggin` hott in here. Though not like Dubai`s heat. That one`s terrible. er, horrific? Whatever.
"Previously, on Roswell..." -- That line. That`s what I`ve been missing for the past 3 months now. ROSWELL! I miss him, Max Evans. It`s been a long time na rin since I last talked to him. Haha. Close? Nah. Feeling ko lang.
Hm. What else? Aah. Mutya Buena. I love her! Especially her song, REAL GIRL. "I never pretend to be something I`m not. You got what you see when you see what I got." Nice, right?
Updates on me? Hm. Lately, I`ve been having this feeling that anytime soon, I`m going to consider giving up. Not now though, but anytime soon. I`m tired of being strong for myself, for others, for holding up all my emotions just to show them how strong/capable I am. BUT I AM NOT. I am not strong, not even capable of doing things that I must do. I know I can`t refer to myself as the "real girl" that Mutya is talking about. Maybe, I am pretending. Pretending, from the beginning, that I can stand up for myself, be myself, and fight for what is right. I hate it, though I keep doing it. I`d just like to sit up straight, erase any memories in my mind, && start all over again. I`d like to be a new person, a new individual.
One day, I will be.Ü
See what I'm talking about? I am not strong. Not even the least near from it. Strong is a big word for me. Something that I cannot handle. So yeah, those of you who thinks I'm all this and that, I just proved you wrong. I am something you have never ever imagined. I am special. :) Oh, yess, I am!
I feel so insecured when it comes to friends. I have made my image to people that I am not someone to be friends with. I am bossy, bossy, bossy, and oh, did I say bossy? :( I hate it. I don't wanna be the one who always eats alone in the room. Uh, well, I don't eat alone. But sometimes, I feel like I am alone.
Though, there is one thing that I am fortunate with, though. I have a great, super loving and understanding boyfriend-slash-friend-slash-brother-slash-daddy-slash-HUSBAND-slash-baby. Ang haba nu? Lol. I love him. He loves me. Now that is enough to make me believe that I can be strong and that I can stand on my own. ;)